Saving Daryl
by Dixonbamagal
Summary: This is set after the events of the hospital, S5. Daryl is becoming withdrawn again and Carol will keep trying to pull him back into the fold, no matter what it takes.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

When had he gotten to this point? He had been through hell and back before the whole world had gone to shit and still he continued to believe there had to be some point. He had no idea what that point was, but he thought there had to be one. Restlessly, he stared into the fire, looking for some kind of answers as to why? Why was he always fated to fail? Was he really worthless like his pa always said? Was he really a pussy like Merle always said? As the rest of the group prayed and cried over Beth, all he could do was stare into this small fire and wonder why?

Carol saw him out of the corner of her eye, she stood there with Maggie trying to hold her up through this horrible ceremony, but still she was drawn to the handsome hunter. She could feel the pain radiating from him even from this distance, but she really didn't know what to say. She knew what he was feeling, she'd seen that look before after Sophia had walked out of that barn. She knew how angry he had been after, how he had lashed out at her, but this side of him scared her more. She saw no anger this time, she saw his shoulders slumped, like he really didn't care anymore. Like it was finally the final nail in a coffin that had been established way longer than this whole world collapsed. She knew she had to do something, but she was in total and complete doubt as to what.

Slowly, Daryl rose from the campfire and walked silently, stealthily into the woods. He had to be alone, as he slumped to the ground and beat at it with his crossbow. He had always been good at hearing the slightest movements, tracking was his specialty, but he never heard her coming. She stood behind him, watching, in just as much pain as him. Yes, she hurt, she had all kinds of reasons to, Sophia was gone, Herschel, Beth, but none of them compared to the fear she had now. She knew, deep down, that Daryl was trying to give up and she had to do something, but what?

She slowly approached him and was just about to tap him softly on his shoulder when he jerked around quickly, knife drawn, always ready to strike, even in these circumstances. He had knocked her to the ground and was on top of her before she knew what hit her. "What the hell woman, after all this shit, ya think ya can just sneak up on someone? I thought ya was a damn walker!" She tried to look him in the eyes as he yelled at her, but he turned his head. He was withdrawing from her, she could tell and that made her angry. She wasn't going to let him do this, not after everything they'd been through. She jerked him by his face and he flinched. She almost felt sorry for that, almost, but she knew this was a make or break moment. "Daryl, I won't let you pull away." He was getting angrier, wanting to take out all of it on the whole world at this point. "Whadda ya know? I weren't never part of any of this anyway. I were just some skank redneck pulled into this mess. I never asked for any of this shit. All I wanted was to hunt, fish, and survive, I don't need you, not any of you!"

After this, he jerked himself off of Carol's prone body and stood up, skulking back and forth pacing. This is what he needed, she thought to herself, he needs to scream and shout, she didn't mind letting him take it out on her. It wouldn't be the first time he used her to lash out at, probably wouldn't be the last. He needs to let all of it out, not just silently listen to all those thoughts in his head. She yelled back at him, knowing he needed to feel the anger. "Who do you think you are!? We all been through all of this, we all have suffered, but you are a part of us, whether you like it or not! I thought you said we could start over, but that was a load of shit, right? You didn't mean it, you just want me to think that, but you, you never believed the crapload of shit you said to me. It don't include you, does it? Does it!?"

He never saw her this angry and he didn't like it. He couldn't believe she had the nerve. He yelled back, putting his finger in between her shoulder blades, in the middle of her chest. "Ya don't know shit about me, nothin'!"

Carol was hurt by that, but she knew it was the anger talking and she felt sorry about what she was about to say, but she knew she had to draw him out, out of his head. "Of course, dumb little, beat down Carol, she couldn't know anything, could she? She couldn't know what it's like to be beat down until she felt that no one could care for her. Why, she couldn't feel like the whole damn world had this vendetta to get her. She couldn't have scars proving her lowly selfworth, could she? I don't know shit about you, do I, but I do, I am you in female form!"

Daryl stood in stunned silence, he knew what she was saying was exactly the reflection of how he felt about himself. This made him even angrier, how could she put herself in the same position as him, she was always so much better. He didn't care what she thought, he knew deep down she would never be as lowly as him, or as much of a failure. There you had it didn't you, he was just that a failure.

"Are ya nuts, woman? Have ya lost ya mind? I'm the failure, damn it. I'm the one who cain't ever do what I set out to do. I look for Sophia, dead. I try to protect the group, Herschel dead. I look for Beth, dead. And most of all, I didn't come after ya, did I? I didn't and I left ya out there to fend for ya self. I was the one who didn't look, didn't even try, don't that piss ya off? Ain't ya angry that I didn't look?"

Carol hadn't realized he still felt guilty over that. He had no choice but to help the group, she understood that, but it all made sense. He was still upset with the reason they were torn apart. It wasn't just all the people they lost. He felt guilty for something he had no control over.

Carol tried to reach out to him, but he flinched, again. He wouldn't let her touch him and that hurt her worse than any words. "Daryl, you didn't fail me, you understand that right? I'm standing here alive, breathing, and begging you to listen to me. You didn't fail me, you hear me?"

Daryl wouldn't back down, now that he was getting it all of his chest, he had to do it. "I failed ya, I did. Ya may not think it, but I know it. I cain't save nobody. I am a useless waste of space. I thought I might could rise from the ashes like some God damn phoenix, but we know ain't know such thing as a redneck phoenix. I was kiddin' myself ta even try."

She was losing him, she had to do something. So, she took a chance, she stepped right in front of him. She grabbed his shoulders and shook him to look at her. He had to look at her. She couldn't let him do this, he had to know. Had to know all the things she needed to say. "Daryl, look at me, damn it look at me!"

Daryl wanted to run, he wanted to get her out of his space. He tried, but he couldn't move with her touching his shoulders and begging him to look. So slowly, he raised his squinting eyes to look, afraid to hear and see her. "What! Whadda ya want from me, I don't have nothin' ta give, ya got that?"

She stared in his eyes and began to talk. "Daryl, you can't scare me away, nothing you do can, understand that first."

Daryl just squinted as he stared at her, he didn't think he could hear this, but she wouldn't let him go and he knew he had to listen to this. It had to happen, he knew that. He was not gonna let her get to him, but she could have her say and that would be it.

Carol continued, "There was a time when I thought that my whole world existed of nothingness and the only thing good in this world was my Sophia." Daryl looked down at that, he had failed her horribly in his mind. "No," she continued, " I won't let you think it was your fault. She died because of this world we live in, it wasn't you. You did more for her than anyone ever did, I told you that remember? More than her own daddy? You did that? You had no reason to, she was just some lost little girl to some beat down woman. I didn't even have the courage to look for her."

Daryl looked up at that. "Weren't no way for ya ta do it, ya didn't know how ta track, I did."

Carol continued, "Yeah, but she was mine, and I should have tried but I gave up, you made me think that there could be a chance. You made me think, maybe there could be some light in the darkness. When we found her, I was full of grief, I wanted to join her, but it was you that pulled me back, you who held me and made me stay. Why? Why would you do that? I still wonder, but I know you did the right thing. It wasn't right to want to give up."

Daryl spoke then, "It were selfish of me, but I just couldn't let ya do it."

Carol gulped at the admission, Daryl looked away. He felt like she was looking through him and it hurt. Only weakness allowed someone to get too close and that was a luxury he had never been able to afford.

Carol resumed speaking, "Well I began to start to live again, it was a slow process, but this group pulled me in and made me feel I belonged. I started to feel like the Carol before Ed, the one who had some worth, some importance in the world. I never would have gotten that chance, if you hadn't have pulled me back. It wasn't the others who pulled me back, it was you. You made me care about people again, you made me want to be a part of something again, you made me care again."

Daryl didn't like hearing this, but he knew she wouldn't stop. She kept talking and he had to listen, he didn't know why, he just had to. "Daryl, I realized that nothing in this new world is guaranteed, that every moment was important. We lose people, that is how it has to be sometimes. We have to continue living. I can't see you do this. I care to much about you, I am not going to let you leave us or me again."

Daryl wanted to turn tail and run, he couldn't stand this, he could take Carol joking, kidding, this was something else altogether. She was looking at him and he could see the tears being held back in her eyes, it was a side he hadn't seen, he didn't want to see it. He wanted to unsee it. He tried to pull away, but she wouldn't let him. He looked around in desperation and despair. Finally, he looked at her and spoke, "Carol, I won't leave, just let go of me, I cain't."

She let go, looking as if he had crushed her. He couldn't stand to see her like that, but he didn't know what to say to change it. He didn't know what would make it any different. "Carol, I'm not some knight in shining armor, I'm some redneck asshole that got caught up in a shitstorm. I need to just work it out in my head. It's all I gotta do."

At that, she left him standing alone, she knew he would come back, but she also knew that he needed his space. He needed to work through everything and come to some kind of conclusion. What that was she didn't know, but at least she knew now he wasn't going to leave. It was all she had in the way of comfort for now, but it was enough.


	2. Chapter 2

Saving Dixon

Chapter 2

He sat watching across the campfire, eyes cast down, only briefly glancing up to view her. He was still withdrawn, but at least he was there. Carol knew he wasn't going anywhere physically, but mentally she was not able to read him. That worried her more than anything else, she always knew him. She knew him because he was so like her in many ways. He had this protective wall ten miles high and anyone that got too close might as well be dealing with a caged lion. She didn't know when she had first realized that he was her kindred spirit. She thought that maybe, it was when he handed her that ax to bury in that asshole Ed's head. She remembers vividly feeling him watching her as she swung the ax over and over. It was as if all her life's frustrations were being taken out in that one moment and she was able to begin anew. She looked over at him just as he glanced back up and she could see clear and vivid pain. That pain hurt her because she knew it well. It was the same pain they had both felt when Sophia had walked out of that barn. He surprised her at that moment, in a way he never had before. He allowed her to view and acknowledge his pain as he continued to stare. It almost hurt her worse than losing Sophia. She didn't know what to do, he wasn't moving just staring. Then, suddenly, he gave a slight nod in her direction and motioned for her to come. She knew that silent communication, it was always that way with the two of them. They had no need for words, they knew how to speak to each other with one look. She still didn't quite understand this powerful bond they had formed, it was just there like the sky or the oceans.

Slowly, she got up and quietly moved beside him. He was sitting cross-legged and silent. She sat beside him and he glanced at her out of the corner of her eye. He began to speak softly, his quietness only for her to hear. "M'sorry bout earlier. Shouldn't have been so mean." Carol acknowledged his apology the only way she knew how, "Daryl, we're all hurting. I wouldn't have held it against anyone for lashing out, especially you. You know me better than anyone. I know you are in pain. To be honest, I was more afraid than anything." His eyes shot up at that and he looked up at her, "Why'd you be afraid?" Carol didn't know how to answer that . She decided honesty would be best. "I could feel you slipping away and it scared me more than anything in a long while. I know you caught me trying to sneak away and I could almost feel you getting farther away from the group. It's that sixth sense we both have about each other. You know it well." He couldn't deny it, it was a pull he didn't fully understand either. He'd never had this with anyone, it was a strange and foreign feeling for him to have a connection with anyone, but yet it was always there with her.

He glanced at her and softly spoke, "Walk with me, I need ta talk." She didn't hesitate, she slowly stood to her feet reaching out her hand to help him up. He gestured for her to follow and she walked beside him silently into the woods. "I need ta say some things, and I don't want no one to interrupt. I found this place earlier out here, so we can talk without no one botherin us." She didn't know what he had to say, but she would follow him anywhere, after all he was her best friend in this crazy, screwed up world they lived in. They slowly walked when a small barn came into view. He grabbed her by the hand and motioned for her to follow him inside. As he grabbed her hand, her heart did an unexpected flip and she was a little taken aback by it. She thought, "What is this?" It surprised her with the suddenness of it, so unexpected. He pulled her inside and started pacing back and forth as Carol stood watching, arms crossed, waiting patiently for him to speak. She was really confused by all this, this Daryl she had seen before, but this was different. It was almost like he didn't know how to begin talking, but they had never had that problem before. Suddenly, he stopped and turned around to speak. He looked nervous, but she didn't understand why he would be that way with her. Carol spoke up, "Daryl, just say what you got to say. We've never had a problem being honest with one another. What's wrong?" He was scaring her a little if she was being truthful. He hesitated for a moment, as if searching for what he wanted to say. "Carol, I don't know how to begin." It looked as if he was breathless and his pain was vivid and raw, but there was something underlying it and she couldn't put her finger on it. "Daryl, it's me." She walked towards him and gently reached out to his arm and started rubbing up and down. A shot of electricity shot through her at that moment and she almost jumped back from the force of it, but Daryl grabbed her wrist. He looked almost shocked by his own actions, but still he held tight. She looked up and saw him staring intensely at her. She was confused and burning up inside all at the same time. "Carol, I need ya to listen and I don't know how I'm gonna say what I gotta say but, I know it needs to be said. I know ya been confused by how I been actin' and to tell ya the truth, I'm confused to." She started to speak, but the look he gave her told her it was time to be silent, so she continued looking up at him, her expression looking shocked and surprised. "I been a loner all my life, I have learnt that to trust anybody only meant pain and hurt. It weren't meant for me to be around lots of people ever. I learnt early on that people are cruel and mean and those closest to ya have the power to hurt you the worst." "But," Carol tried to speak, but he held his free hand up and stopped her. Carol closed her mouth and just continued to listen. "I'm not done here, I wanna say what I need to say and then ya can say what's on ya mind, please." Carol nodded her understanding. He continued," I never felt anythin' but worthless, like a piece of trash. But then, this whole thing happened and I met ya and thought maybe everythin' was leading up to this. Like all the bad times, all the things I went through were a way to help me survive. Like everythin' had a purpose. " He continued, "I saw in ya the kind of person I wisht my own ma and dad would have been like. The way you worried about Sophia, well I never had that kind of love. That's why I looked so hard for that little girl, I looked because for once I saw the kinda parent I shoulda had." He paused at that, then continued. "Then when we made it to that prison, after all the hurt of losing more people including Sophia, I started believin' here's a new start, we can make this work. We started forming a real friendship, the kind which I have never had. Ya listened when I bitched, ya never judged, ya always treated me like a human being. I'm no fool, I know the rest started believin' in me too, but it was because of the way ya treated me that they came around." Carol wanted to speak, but still he wouldn't let her. "When the prison fell, I really thought I'd lost my best friend forever. I wanted ta come lookin' for ya, but I didn't know if ya was dead or alive. I really thought that I'd lost the only person who had any chance at understandin' me. It was not a good time and Beth she pulled me through. I woulda never thought that little girl coulda done it but she did. I'll forever be in her debt for that, one of the reasons her loss hit me so bad. Then, when I saw ya again, it was like everythin' was right again. Like we was never apart, but ya pulled away and I've never been so scared in my life." Carol wanted so badly to speak, but he wouldn't let her. "Carol, I don't know much about life or much about anythin' really, but I do know that losin' ya was the hardest thing I've ever been through. It tore me up inside and I didn't know what ta do. I didn't know what ways was up or down. I was lost. I saw ya and my whole world was right again, I don't know what that means, but I suspect it means you are the only person that ever gave a damn about me and I don't care for no one like I care for ya. That is what's confusing me, I don't know what to do about it. I ain't never been with no one before, but I'm thinkin' I might be in love with ya. I'm sorry if that upsets ya and I'm scared that this will mean ya won't want to be around me no more, but I haveta say it cause it's eating me up inside. So there ya have it." Daryl looked away and didn't know how to look at her again, the fear he felt was impossible. He turned to see Carol crying, crying hard and he now thought this had to be a huge mistake. He shouldn't have spoke, he knew it. At that moment, Carol grabbed both his arms and very slowly proceeded to move towards his face. His breath caught as she got closer and in the gentlest way possible she pressed her lips to his and he groaned from the release of his pent up emotions. He couldn't believe it, he was really kissing Carol. This was real.


	3. Chapter 3

Saving Dixon Chapter 3

This was real, yet it almost seemed surreal. Here they were standing in a rundown barn, chaos in the world all around them and yet somehow it seemed as if they were exactly at the point they were supposed to be at in this moment. Daryl felt her soft lips on his and he began to tremble, Carol could feel the nervousness rolling off of him in waves. She gently stepped back and looked up at him, he was almost in a daze. He reached his hand up to feel where her lips had just been, as if he must be dreaming this moment and there was no way that it could be Carol actually kissing him. Carol was beginning to wonder if she had done the right thing here. Daryl looked about ready to have an anxiety attack and she felt responsible for him feeling that way. She couldn't help it, when he said he thought he was in love with her, she just had to kiss him. It was an automatic reaction. What was she thinking, she always suspected he had never even kissed a woman and here she was ready to jump his bones. She knew he would be like trying to tame a wild horse. All of these things were running through her mind, when Daryl let out this animalistic sound. It was the sound of predator after his prey and he grabbed her tiny waist with his hands and jerked her towards him. Her body was pressed up against his and there wasn't even an inch spaced between them. His whole body engulfed hers as he leaned into her and nipped at her neck. She was shocked into action, was this her Daryl? The Daryl who wouldn't let anyone get close to him? She roughly pulled him to her mouth by his hair and the kisses became hungry. She could feel his teeth scraping against her tender lips and she started to feel like they were moving too fast. There were people back at camp and they would soon wonder where they had gone. As much as she wanted to stay and figure out what this was, she knew they needed to return.

Carol pulled away and both of them were left gasping for air. Daryl's eyes had darkened to the deepest shade of blue and he looked like he was in a trance. Carol had to get through to him, "Daryl, Daryl we gotta stop." Daryl was almost in a state of shock, but her words were starting to get through. He started retreating back into himself. She could see him shriveling before her eyes. "No, Daryl, I'm not regretting any of this. I just know the rest will be wondering where we are. We have to get back before they come looking for us." Daryl realized she was right and he was relieved, for a moment he thought she was sorry about what happened. He was trying to regain his composure and he glanced in Carol's direction, he was glad he wasn't the only one fighting to try to get hold of himself. Daryl took a deep breath, "I know ya right, we need ta get back. Just so as ya know, we ain't done here." Carol didn't know what he meant, but she had no doubts when he quickly jerked her towards him once more and planted a quick, hard kiss to her lips. Then he started walking to the door as she stood frozen to the spot and he glanced back, "Ya comin' or what?" Carol numbly shook her head and started following until she was back walking alongside him. Now this Daryl was the one she had known at the prison, confident and assured. He had that stride of his back in his step and when they approached the camp, Carol didn't know what to expect.

The first to see them was Rick and he glanced between Carol and Daryl and he knew that something had happened, Daryl looked almost content and Carol looked flustered. He knew better than to ask questions. Neither of those two would be too willing to say anything, but he was glad to have his old friend back. He didn't have to know what was going on there, he just knew that whatever Carol had done had Daryl returning to normal and that was enough for him. He approached two of his most trusted confidantes and began speaking, "We're all trying to decide where to go next, this endless walking is really starting to strain everyone. Daryl, what do you think we should do now? I'm trying to figure out what our next move should be, but with everyone going through all this I'm hard pressed to know what we should do now? Any ideas?" Daryl shrugged, "Reckon, first thang we need ta do is find some safe place to hunker down for tha night. Where that oughta be well, I don't rightly know, but it needs to be soon, I agree." Rick was relieved to have his friend back and he knew they'd be alright. Daryl was back to his normal self and whether he knew it or not, he was a key to their very survival, always had been. He knew without Daryl, they would have many times been in deep trouble of not surviving this whole thing. "Well, let's talk to the group and let them know what we need to do now. We need to find shelter so a little more walking is in order and then we'll go from there."

They all trudged along, and Daryl couldn't help but notice the occasional glances being thrown his way. Carol calmly walked alongside him as if nothing was different, but he'd glance in her direction every now and again and see her glance back. This was driving him crazy, he wanted nothing more than to grab her small little wrist, pull her into either side of this road into the woods and hash out all these pent up emotions. At least, he now knew. He knew that this thing was not one-sided. She was feeling this thing that he was and when they got to some sort of shelter, well he'd find some way to get her alone. He had meant what he said, they weren't done here and he would finish what they started.


End file.
